I put this page together for you because often times authors in the area of personal development claim to have easy fixes and all the answers. The truth is that they don’t and are afraid to admit it because they fear looking weak or unknowledgeable.
It is not as easy as somebody saying “follow my method”. Parts of what they might offer may help, but personal development is very personal and what works for you will not work as effectively with somebody else. When you are exploring ways to be your true self, it is daunting at first. It is full of fear, self judgement and a real sense of isolation. However, once you find the way forward that works for YOU, the answer instantly goes from seemingly impossible to beautifully simplistic. Just remember that simple does not imply easy. There is work to be done but at least now you know what the work is.
So as you piece together your way forward (and I encourage you get as many points of view as possible), keep in mind the following:
1. Your brain. Your brain always thinks big but is often lazy. It can get excited for a few days, but then quickly gets bored and uninterested. At this point, you can carry your brain’s lack of caring with the brute force of will power, but the energy needed to keep that up also quickly fades. In short, you working on being your true self needs more than just an idea.
2. Your heart. Your heart is where your motivation lives. It is not where ideas come from but spews out motivation. Your brain will think things up and if you can get get your heart into it, you no longer need that will power. The heart will carry you.
3. Your environment. Regardless if you have a great idea and the motivation to carry it out, if your surroundings are so full of obstacles and resistance, this will eventually grind you to a halt. Negative people, disorganization, and a lack of structure are all things that can and will take the energy out of your sails regardless of how motivated you are.
4. Keeping the right balance. If you rely to much on either your brain heart or environment, you’ll wear one out. You need all 3 to keep contributing to not only allow you to grow into your true self, but also make the process enjoyable.
- For your brain. Like I said, it is lazy, weak and has little staying power. Therefore, give your brain no way to wiggle out of commitments. Give yourself very clear guidelines of what you will or will not do. For example, don’t say “I’m going to eat less to help me lose weight” because it is too ambiguous. What does less mean? To a hungry brain, less becomes very relative very fast. Instead, say, “I’m only eating this” and then define exactly what (and how much) you are going to eat.
- For your heart: This massive wave of motivation is very powerful but lacking direction. It can move mountains but if left unchecked, it could move the wrong mountains. Therefore, give your heart a direction. For example, instead of saying “I’d like to find the love of my life” generate very clear criteria of what you are looking for and what it is you hope to build. If not, much of your energy will dispersed to people who are unlikely candidates.
- For your environment. This is simple; clean it up. This may mean distancing yourself from people who hinder you (not easy I know), physically sorting things out in your living/work space and organizing your time. For example, if you wish to train for a marathon and decide that you will get up everyday at 6am to train, have you made the appropriate arrangements to make that as easy as possible to happen (the right attire, an early bedtime, the support of those who you life with, a route for all seasons, etc). The less you prune your environment, more chaos will encroach. And this ultimately will affect your progress of becoming your true self.
5. It is not linear. Try not to view what you are doing as getting an end point because the real reward is the process. But it is only natural to see it as sometimes as easy with tons of progress versus other periods where you might actually feel like you are going in reverse. However, these are only feelings and overall you are moving forward but there are ebbs and flows interspersed with plateaus. But trust that the long term shape of your graph has a positive slope
6. Be sure to enjoy it. You should be very proud that you are doing the work. It is not easy and make no mistake that what you are doing is not only important, but vital. Think about how less rewarding life would be without moving towards being your true self.