These 2 words run my life. I constantly fill in the dots afterward with doom and gloom. It is never a positive question. But I am rarely proven right. Actually, I am never proven right. My imagination is always much, much worse than any reality. But it is my imagination that runs my mind rather than the evidence that sits in front of me. The “what ifs” range wondering what new emails are in my inbox, to areas around my health, to my future, to my physical appearance and where my life is headed. Left alone to my own devices, I can let my imagination blind me to any accurate analysis of what is actually happening in my life. But like I said, these invented outcomes rarely occur. And if they do, they are never as bad as I trumped up or I have the resources and capacity to deal with them.
I associate New Year’s resolutions with a waste of time. I thought they were mostly for weak people who wanted to do some grand gesture based on an impulse and muscled through with will power until shortly into their venture, they ran out of strength and collapsed back into their own ways. However, I was reading something lately that took a different spin on starting a new year. It wasn’t about creating something new, but rather asking what was worth leaving behind. And that struck a chord with me.
I have many things that I would like to embark on or create, but they easily get belittled by those 2 words “What if?”. When I read the idea of leaving something behind, it was these words that instantly came into my mind. I want to leave them. Or at least use them appropriately. Actually, no. I want to cut them out entirely. I want to take their ugly lens off my mind and just do. Think, yes. Plan, yes. Accept consequences, yes. But in that order and not simply jump to improbable consequences.
So that is my plan. I know it takes effort and training, but if I can catch myself in the trap of worst case scenario thinking, I know my life will improve. It will improve.
- Daily Meditation
- Plan my days
- Do what I want and not what others want.
- Do what others want and look past myself.
That is my list to start. Any process is personal and always needs tinkering, but that feels like a good place to start. Also, a steady dose of the WTF podcast by Marc Maron keeps me grounded and brings me back to what is important.
What about you? What should you leave behind?